Conversations overheard in the Vegas blackout
Monday, March 23, 2009 by RockstarMama
Date: March 21, ‘09, Saturday night.
Time: 9:30 p.m.
Place: My house, Mountain’s Edge, Las Vegas.
Situation: Suddenly and unexpectedly dark as hell.
Problem: Idiots.
(Names have been changed to minimize the mockery. And also, in the dark, it was hard to see who was talking.)
9:30 p.m. My living room.
Me: Hey, the lights went out.
Husband: Damn it, the TV went off.
Me: The bigger problem is that now I can’t find my drink.
9:33 p.m. My kitchen.
Husband: Hey, I know! I’ll get that big light we bought for emergencies!
Me: Ha! look at the picture my friend just emailed me. That’s so gross!
Husband: I’m going to lock your BlackBerry in a drawer. Gimmie it.
Me: Hell no. And if you try to take it, I will hide in dark corners and jump out and scare the crap out of you. Did you find that light yet? If we’re going to go outside with the neighbors, I want to make sure my hair doesn’t look like a jacked up bird’s nest.
Husband: Huh. I guess I never charged the battery on the light.
Me: HOLY CRAP. Whatever I just ate was NOT a french fry. Also I totally just stepped in something goopy. Mysterious goop; great. Did you find the light?
Husband: If I had the light, we could use it to look around for your brain. 
Me: I need new socks. What the hell is all over the floor? Wait, what?
Husband: You heard me.
Me: But we could look around, I mean, for YOUR brain. And um…
Husband: Good comeback.
Me: Shuddup.
9:45 p.m. -Text sent via Verizon Wireless BlackBerry-
Me: It’s dark.
Neighbor Mark: Duh.
Me: Rude!
Mark: So?
9:49 p.m. -Text sent via Verizon Wireless BlackBerry–
Me: Hey, did your power go out? I think I just heard a coyote. Maybe they gnawed through the lines.
Neighbor Tim: It’s scary dark.
Me: Wuss.
Tim: You better shut it. Don’t make me come out there and kick your ass!
Me: Come on out then!
Tim: No way, it’s too dark and spooky.
Me: Wuss.
9:53 pm. My cul-de-sac.
Neighbor Emma: Oh my gosh! We should call Nevada Power!
Me: Yeah, I’m on hold right now.
Emma: You’re calling Nevada Power? She’s calling Nevada Power!
Neighor Dan: Someone better get in touch with Nevada Power about this.
Me: Yeah, I’m on hold with them right now. I just said that.
Neighbor Paul: Did anyone call Nevada Power?
Me: I’m on hold with them right now. Clearly nobody listens to me.
Neighbor Diane: Oh no! I was going to call Nevada Power, but my phone is dead!
Me: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I AM ON HOLD WITH THEM RIGHT NOW.
Neighbor Diane (under her breath): Bitch.
Husband: Hey, we should call Nevada Power. Who are you talking to?
Me: F*cking Pizza Hut.
10: 10 p.m. My bedroom.
Twin #1: Can we watch TV?
Me: The power’s out.
Twin #2: Oh. Can we watch Handy Manny?
Me: The power is out.
Twin #1: But can we watch Nemo? Can you get me some juice? I want juice. Will you turn on the light? I can’t see. Don’t poke me! Kailey is poking me. Stop poking me! Mommy, why did you turn the lights off? I’m thirsty. QUIT POKING!
10:16 p.m. Same locale.
Smoke detector: Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Husband: Oh no. I think the smoke detectors are somehow coordinated with the house power. They’re all going to start beeping! Great.
Me: Maybe the battery in that one is just dead.
(Later) Husband: Ok, it was just the battery.
Me: I am the awesome queen of home repairs! Please fashion me a cape, and/or crown.
Husband: Shut up.
10:21 p.m.
Nevada Power: Nevada Power?
Me: Hi, all the power is off in our whole community.
Nevada Power: Mountain’s Edge? We don’t have an estimated time that your power will be reinstated.
Me: Thanks for that.
Things that seem like a good idea in a blackout:
1. Shadow puppets. Problem: Too spooky.
2. Romantic candle-light fun time with husband. Problem: Children.
3. Going outside. Problem: Doesn’t really accomplish anything; plus, you’re obligated to socialize with annoying neighbors.
4. Drink beer left in fridge (absolutely unacceptable to waste beer). Problem: Later still too dark, and also now too drunk, to locate water and/or Tylenol.
5. Going to sleep. Problem: In the middle of the night, every single light, television and alarm in your house will simultaneously turn on at once and scare the sh1t out of you.
Other fun blackout resources:
- “Top 10 things to do in a blackout” by Farai Chideya
- “Things to do during a blackout”, Luggage Tuesdays
- “Things to do during a blackout”, Trinity Times
- “Lights out London”, HippyShopper
- “Top 10 things to do in a blackout”, Times Online
Got a good blackout story? Let’s hear it!
hmmm… do you know Doug & Chris in your neighborhood…. sounds like a night of fun lol
haha I love the convos…sounds exactly like me and my girlfriend would go through, but instead of the twins it would be two immature roommates….love the site, I’m following you on twitter now…
Hilarious!
The way the conversations are transcribed makes it looks like it was funny but I bet it really wasn’t.
And about that list of good ideas to do in a blackout, I suggest doing number 5. All you have to do is turn off the lights, tv, alarms (if possible) and any other thing that may wake you up when the power supply returns to normal.
Oh yeah. We are all about sarcasm and one-upping one another. There is an incredible amount of eye-rolling and smirking. The only un-funny part was when I thought I couldn’t find my BlackBerry (disaster!).
Main blackout problem is that, and I, like most, have been through numerous blackouts, can never remember exactly what was on and what was not. It’s like a fun surprise.
heii, it is very good, keep going
good posting, give me more
very good, nice LV city and night life besides pretty girls.
Hey, I was there!
I was not adorned in any stripper-type ensemble, however.
That was funny! Now I know I have lots of reading to do on this blog!
Oh, I bet the strip had back up generators, huh! All those lights probably caused YOUR blackout!
I think you should keep these conversations private. Some things are better when kept secret.
OMG, that’s hilarious. Sounds exactly like me and my wife. Great blog!
Thanks, peeps!
John–seriously, we’re lucky with all the power they’re sucking to be able to run a ceiling fan over here.
dude. that just made my night. only thing working is my phone with broadband… good stuff! love twitter and the Rockstar Mama!
Why thank you.
If the power on my BlackBerry ever went out, I would weep and likely hurl myself out a window. I mean there would just be no more reason to go on.
hahahaha, thats great.. LOL (pizza hut)… altho I think you would have been more productive calling pizza hut! Atleast you wouldnt be hungry
and pizza goes good with beer.. why not make it extra good if your gonna regret it later 