The great popcorn incident
Friday, February 20, 2009 by RockstarMama
Oh man.
I’m thinking I may have to draft an angry letter to the Orville Redenbacher peeps. That weird old guy in the suspenders may be gone (the one who looks like the landlord from Three’s Company), but surely they have a PR department.
The side of the Natural Buttery Salt & Cracked Pepper popcorn box clearly indicates that while popcorn is a lovely treat to share with your kiddos, you should be cautious so as not to let them choke on it. Helpful. But nowhere on the box does it warn that if you love your carpeting, if you love your furniture, if you don’t want a billion broken salt and peppery bits ground into your rug and if you don’t want your TV smeared with buttery toddler-prints, you should never, ever pop the crap in the first place.
Toddlers have the amazing ability to completely destroy a room, atom bomb-style, while you’re doing some vital mom activity for two minutes like peeing or opening a bottle of wine. I have twins. They work as a team.
You know how a black cat knows to snuggle enthusiasticly on the lap of the only white-pantsed cat-hater in the room? (Who’s still wearing white pants anyway? Maybe they deserve a good fur-ing…) Same logic applies when kids have a kitchen full of ammo and can locate the item with greatest stain potential like a heat-seeking missile.
Complaint #2:
Popcorn clean-up is a ridiculous no-win situation. The vaccuum, which I previously and perhaps inappropriately misunderstood to be used to suck up stuff, seems to freak when encountering one of those weird orange popcorn seeds, like how it gets pissed when it has to help me out with a kitty litter spill.
Said seed is immediately shot, bullet-style, to the very edge of the carpet where you are then humiliatingly forced to actually bend down (crouching in general is no good when you’re over 30–definite risk of crack exposure and expulsion of noises/grunts i.e. “UUUUUGGGGH” upon the actual bending activity), pick up the seed and place the remnant back in the vaccuum’s path, only to repeat this attempted sucking/shooting process, this time with perhaps some added aggravated obscenity-tossing. It is only when you hoist the damn machine skyward, plopping in directly on top of the seed, that the vaccuum admits defeat and the item is hoovered. Don’t start. I don’t even know how to use the tube thingies.
- Precise carpet vaccuuming pattern obsession
- Complete and utter cord entanglement
The whole thing is stupid. But so was the whole Redenbacher idea in the first place.
Don’t leave me hanging, dudes. Best mess story posted here will receive a packet of Orville’s courtesy of RockstarMamaOnline. Let’s have it.
14 Responses to “The great popcorn incident”
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LOL damn i feel your pain. I have 4 hoodrats (hoodrats = kids) ages 11, 10, 8 and 4. in the past 2 years alone i have gone through 4 vaccums. Every saturday was the same thing. get scrwdrivers, butter knife and wire hanger to unclog vaccum and repeat later. with all the kids, dogs, ferrets, hair along with all of our long hair it was a useless battle… till i actually proceded with my idea.. i got … the shop vac! being an adult kinda sucks cause you have the bend over part of the job but the younger kids find it fun to use sooo me being the nice mother i am let them do the vaccuming now. they have fun sucking stuff up (popcorn kernals, beads, borken crayons) and it will still suck
oh and also, the check to floor approach. one above that is playing with an Eyeclops. everything is yucky that way http://www.eyeclops.com/ If you happen to come across one i am curios about your review. It is fun in the begining but tends to get boring after that.
“Screwdrivers, butter knife and wire hanger” LOL! You’re like a mom-MacGuiver. Awesome.
The Eyeclops looks crazy! Forget the kids, I want to get that to play with. Cool!
Your vacuuming scenario reminds me of the comedy routine I remember hearing years ago and yet I’m still guilty of it.
You’re vacuuming and there’s a stubborn piece of …whatever…that for no good reason will NOT let loose its grip on your floor – so you vacuum over it – fiercely – getting aggressive, nay, Rambo-like attacking this defiant piece of filth that refuses to succumb to the power of the electric dirt sucker – finally, you realize that there is no hope – you actually stop – BEND OVER – pick up the offending item – examine it for supernatural powers – realize it is just a stubborn piece of fuzz – and then, get this, put it back on the floor to give the vacuum ONE LAST TRY – after all, we wouldn’t want the Hoover to feel bad about itself and later hang itself in the closet with its own cord.
Yep, still do this.
HA!!!!! I just read that comment to my husband; you made me laugh. Isn’t that how everyone vacuums? I just did the same thing with my Swiffer Wet Jet in our dining room. Stupid little pieces of nothing that refuse to be captured!
my girlfriend loves popcorn, but she always puts way to much artificial butter on it when we go to the movies…I feel my heart kicking itself with each popped kernel…
Keg–LOL!!!!! Love your site, by the way.
found your blog while researching Smooth Away, lol. I don’t have a mess story, well there was this one time that I woke up covered in oatmeal thanks to my son who was then 2 and very sneaky. Rather about how popcorn makes my microwave lose its mind. It will spark and pop and basically act like it is dying if you try to put a bag of buttery popcorn in it.
kat–”Woke up covered in oatmeal”–LOL!!!!! Also, your micro sounds possessed. Once, before I understood that metal does not belong in there, I attempted to microwave one of those individually-wrapped rice krispie treats. Apparently that is not an approved item for zapping. Sparks were flying! I felt like an ass.
Way back when my now 5 year old was I think about 2(almost 3) and my niece now also 5 had just turned 3, I made the mistake of underestimating the accessibilty of the top shelf in teh closet where I had put away some of my daugthers “Mommys supervision ONLY paint.” Well Im just gonna say it, when you have two fairly determined toddlers, a decently sturdy yet light enough for 2 toddlers to manage to move wood toddler bed, and a 2 foot wood toy chest. (also very light when all teh toys have been dumped out.. very smarty thinkin for 3 year olds I will add).. Thats really not such a well thought out idea.. (and great now I have to consider a recall on half the things in her room.. due climbing hazard). Well after about 20 mins of them not napping when they were suppose to be.. I finally caved and decided I wasnt goin to get a nap out of them that day.. Unfortunitly when i opened the door a lil disapointed in not getting a lil mommmy time, that was teh least of my troubles.. The fairly new light light light (stress light) beige colored carpet was covered in red… blue.. yellow.. purple.. all teh basic colors.. the window.. ha.. didnt stand a chance.. and just about everything else in the room including them was coated (i do have a picture considered scanning it). so after washing them up as quickly as possible bc i didnt want the paint to settle and dry and become more unbearable to clean up.. went to scrubbing the windows carpet and anything I could find… teh carpet stains hardly budged ( at that time i was renting so that was a security deposit I deffinitely wasnt getting back).. Kids =) alone they are almost harmless.. together they are like super babies… eeek.
sorry another.. LOL had a laugh readin threw replys…couldnt resist.
sounds like a smart microwave to me..(ofcourse after the above accurrence) built in mess prevention..
pop corn beware 
one up for the microwave!
Chick–OH… MY… Toddlers. LOL!!!!! That story is amazing and hilarious. Dude! “Mommy’s supervision only paint”–HA! Sorry about the carpet, landlord friend…
Seriously, like it’s not bad enough when you have one kid, but then they team up on you. Unfair!
Yesterday I made the mistake of letting the twins play with rubber stamps and a little ink pad, saying (what am I, a rookie??) “Don’t get this all over your hands.” Within moments, my daughter had it on her EYELID. Did it wash off? OF COURSE NOT!!
I most certainly feel your pain with this one, but I must say I have you disgustingly beat. I am a motehr of two (ages nearly 4 and nearly 2) year old boys and am expecting a little girl soon. As it turns out, I was blessed upon the birth of my first child with a tiny golgothan. For months… I would get up to rouse my tiny tot from his nap or night time rest and before even opening the door I could smell the oh so pleasing waft of yet another hellish day for Mommy. Upon opening the door and gagging for a bit I realize I did NOT birth a little brown child and must immediately leave the room to control my upchuck mechanism. Then, we get to carefully hoist the child (holding him delicately with as few parts touching him as possible at arms length as) and rush to the bathroom. Once said child is ‘clean’ and securely locked away in a baby-safe area, Mommy then gets to tackle the room, which has been charmingly poo-painted all over the crib, the walls, and a few slings at various other objects in the nursery.
If that wasn’t fun enough the first time, he decided to do this as a repeat offense… for a very very long time. I can recall being so angry some mornings I had to sit in another room and cry for a bit before I trusted myself to touch him.
Oppositional, my second son is beginning to worry me that he is OCD as the neat-freak almost two year old has some serious compulsively tidy issues that compel him. O.o I have no idea, but thank goodness my oldest is now potty trained and old enough to know he’s in for once heck of a day if he tries to poo-paint anymore… anything… ever ever again.
LMao… OMG IVE HAD THAT PROBLEM TOO ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT.. its times like these that I wish most of my photos werent in storage at the moment, Yet again very similar accurance and the stretched arms technic to the bathroom very familiar! (niece and first again) “trouble” quivers
It was only when they were together tho!