http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog Life, love, kids, fun, rock. Thu, 15 Jul 2010 19:30:35 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en 10. Squirrels 9. Little brother 8. Pudding cup 7. Samurai knife set 6. Poprocks 5. One small fishbowl containing one goldfish named Sam, one plastic castle, one small brown pirate treasure chest, three gallons of water and four cups of multi-colored aquarium rocks 4. Daddy's electric razor 3. Bottle of Jack Daniel's 2. Collection of aerosol cans 1. Eggs ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=381 Folks, I'm 33: The general age when you start realizing that sizzling the crap out of your skin in the sun for a three-day tan/burn when you were in high school was probably not the best use of your time. Adding to the sun fun, I'm also a mom of ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=356 Defacing stuff is fun, even if it's just your own driveway. 3D chalk sounds like something you would maybe use to scribble mad art while draped in a glow necklace and drunk as hell at some '90s rave. Well now, thanks to the mad scientist peeps at Crayola, you can relive ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=324 Ok, everybody settle down. Before you spend your beer money on a stockpile of sterile masks, let's employ that old "knowledge is power" adage: here's your no-nonsense guide to the Swine Flu. The world is full of scary stuff: SARS, Hoof and Mouth Disease (could that have a WORSE name?), West Nile Virus, Bird Flu, ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=303 I'm an uncoordinated klutz. I spill things, break things, trip over things, couldn't walk a balance beam to save my life and I'm notorious for making messes. I am single-handedly keeping the paper towels people in business... until now? Crazy, creepy ShamWow guy, wearing an obnoxious headset for no apparent reason ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=244 Folks, since I accidentally and inadvertently tortured myself with the Smooth Away and Leg Magic for your literary enjoyment, I've received numerous requests to review (read: potentially hurt myself with) a variety of other products. Since I'm: 1. Gullible 2. A sucker 3. Bored 4. Need a hobby 5. Like to buy stuff I am happy ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=237 When you've been peed on as much as I have, sometimes you have to call for backup. To those of you with kids: We are potty training my three year-old twins. To those of you without kids: I invite you to imagine the horror. When you stop sobbing, go immediately to Target. ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=209 Have you ever seen an eight foot-long, 600-pound cow sculpted entirely out of butter? I have. That's right, folks, you can't get this special brand of saturated fat-based art just anywhwere--I've been to the Iowa State Fair. I'm publishing this particular post on request of my wonderful husband (after all, I kind of ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=203 10. My blog has had so many visitors today--users are all over my site! 9. Before I run out of power, I better plug this thing in. 8. Ugh, this upload is taking forever! 7. After I placed that ad, I'm certainly getting a lot of traffic. 6. Wow, the server went down. Now ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=197 Three days a week, I chuck my Converse in place of the requisite chick-torture heels and steer the MommyMobile across town to my "day job". My work digs feature a glorious cubeland a la Office Space, complete with all of the nutty characters and somehow-still-employed freaks a wannabe writer would ever need ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=189 Date: March 21, '09, Saturday night. Time: 9:30 p.m. Place: My house, Mountain's Edge, Las Vegas. Situation: Suddenly and unexpectedly dark as hell. Problem: Idiots. (Names have been changed to minimize the mockery. And also, in the dark, it was hard to see who was talking.) 9:30 p.m. My living room. Me: Hey, the lights went out. Husband: Damn ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=162 Either I'm part superhero, or I'm just a total jackass. Probably both. In case you ever want to scare the crap out of me, and are making a list of ways to do so, here are some things to add: Dogs (they snarl at me--ever seen Cujo?) Mass quantities of insects (they could ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=144 new TWTR.Widget({ version: 2, type: 'profile', rpp: 30, interval: 6000, width: 250, height: 300, theme: { shell: { background: '#f0eeeb', color: '#4d3d1e' }, tweets: ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=134 Curse you, daylight savings time! "Springing forward" has a deceptively cute name. What it should really be called is "Enjoy your dark-ass mornings from now on, sucka..." Stumbling blindly down the hallway Monday morning in seemingly midnight conditions, I was forced to flip on the harsh overhead lights, which beamed like a ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=99 Two year-old twins Peyton & Kailey talk politics and eat ice cream. http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=92 It's that time of year again... the birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming, love is in the air, and thousands of Australians are going for a naked bike ride. Is anyone else concerned about the nut injury potential of a NAKED BIKE RIDE?! I mean, isn't the bicycle seat already ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=89 Oh for crap's sake. I've been suckered. As a chick, there is a never-ending, arduous battle to be smooth and hair-free in most places. American society has determined that the high-priority targets are: Legs Underarms Bikini line A number of options exist for your hair removal needs. Traditional choices include: Shave it Wax it Zap it Burn it off with ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=75 --Breaking news 3/4/09-- Senator Edward Kennedy is being awarded an honorary knighthood from Britain. Is it just me, or was anybody else surprised to discover that peeps are still being knighted? It conjures up this medieval image including horses, suits of armor, a lavish feast including whole turkey legs (like at the ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=71 10 THINGS THAT RHYME WITH PROCRASTINATION: Bus station Gyration Lactation Secret military operation Constipation Flatulation Artificial insemination Exfoliation Ultraviolet radiation National Aeronautics and Space Administration http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=63 Oh hell yeah... it's Oscars night! The glitz, the glamour, the unaffordable couture, the stars, the gossip, the little gold man... what more can a girl ask for?  Stay tuned for RockstarMamaOnline.com's live Oscars blog. ------------------------------------------------------------- WOOHOO!! It's 3PST.  Live from the red carpet, it's Seacrest and that tan chick from E! OH THE GLAMOUR: There ... http://www.rockstarmamaonline.com/theblog/?p=31