Friday, August 21, 2009 by RockstarMama
10. Squirrels 9. Little brother 8. Pudding cup 7. Samurai knife set 6. Poprocks 5. One small fishbowl containing one goldfish named Sam, one plastic castle, one small brown pirate treasure chest, three gallons of water and four cups of multi-colored aquarium rocks 4. Daddy's electric razor 3...
Wednesday, May 27, 2009 by RockstarMama
Folks, I'm 33: The general age when you start realizing that sizzling the crap out of your skin in the sun for a three-day tan/burn when you were in high school was probably not the best use of your time. Adding to the sun fun, I'm also a mom of toddler twins, so I haven't slept in about three years...
Saturday, May 16, 2009 by RockstarMama
Defacing stuff is fun, even if it's just your own driveway. 3D chalk sounds like something you would maybe use to scribble mad art while draped in a glow necklace and drunk as hell at some '90s rave...
Sunday, May 3, 2009 by RockstarMama
Ok, everybody settle down.
Before you spend your beer money on a stockpile of sterile masks, let's employ that old "knowledge is power" adage: here's your no-nonsense guide to the Swine Flu.
The world is full of scary stuff: SARS,
Tags: flu, H1N1, hamthrax, piggy pox, swine flu
Posted in Big events
Wednesday, April 22, 2009 by RockstarMama
I'm an uncoordinated klutz. I spill things, break things, trip over things, couldn't walk a balance beam to save my life and I'm notorious for making messes. I am single-handedly keeping the paper towels people in business... until now?
Crazy, creepy
Tags: as seen on tv, made for tv, product review, sham, shammy, shamwow, shamwow review, towel, wow
Posted in Product reviews
Saturday, April 18, 2009 by RockstarMama
Folks, since I accidentally and inadvertently tortured myself with the Smooth Away and Leg Magic for your literary enjoyment, I've received numerous requests to review (read: potentially hurt myself with) a variety of other products...
Friday, April 10, 2009 by RockstarMama
When you've been peed on as much as I have, sometimes you have to call for backup. To those of you with kids: We are potty training my three year-old twins. To those of you without kids: I invite you to imagine the horror. When you stop sobbing, go immediately to Target. Buy the largest box of condoms you can find...
Wednesday, April 8, 2009 by RockstarMama
Have you ever seen an eight foot-long, 600-pound cow sculpted entirely out of butter? I have. That's right, folks, you can't get this special brand of saturated fat-based art just anywhwere--I've been to the Iowa State Fair...
Saturday, April 4, 2009 by RockstarMama
10. My blog has had so many visitors today--users are all over my site! 9. Before I run out of power, I better plug this thing in. 8. Ugh, this upload is taking forever! 7. After I placed that ad, I'm certainly getting a lot of traffic. 6. Wow, the server went down. Now I'm really going to have to lay into our I...
Wednesday, April 1, 2009 by RockstarMama
Three days a week, I chuck my Converse in place of the requisite chick-torture heels and steer the MommyMobile across town to my "day job". My work digs feature a glorious cubeland a la Office Space, complete with all of the nutty characters and somehow-still-employed freaks a wannabe writer would ever need to fill cast spots on a mildly amusing sitcom...
Monday, March 23, 2009 by RockstarMama
Date: March 21, '09, Saturday night. Time: 9:30 p.m. Place: My house, Mountain's Edge, Las Vegas...
Friday, March 20, 2009 by RockstarMama
Either I'm part superhero, or I'm just a total jackass. Probably both. In case you ever want to scare the crap out of me, and are making a list of ways to do so, here are some things to add: Dogs (they snarl at me--ever seen Cujo?) Mass quantities of insects (they could swarm you and eat you...
Sunday, March 15, 2009 by RockstarMama
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Friday, March 13, 2009 by RockstarMama
Curse you, daylight savings time! "Springing forward" has a deceptively cute name. What it should really be called is "Enjoy your dark-ass mornings from now on, sucka..." Stumbling blindly down the hallway Monday morning in seemingly midnight conditions, I was forced to flip on the harsh overhead lights, which beamed like a spotlight on my white-ass legs...
Sunday, March 8, 2009 by RockstarMama
Two year-old twins Peyton & Kailey talk politics and eat ice cream.
Sunday, March 8, 2009 by RockstarMama
It's that time of year again... the birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming, love is in the air, and thousands of Australians are going for a naked bike ride. Is anyone else concerned about the nut injury potential of a NAKED BIKE RIDE?! I mean, isn't the bicycle seat already generally known as the most uncomfortable ass-bruising item available in the sporting world? Nonetheless, this March, naked Aussies will bare their cheeks and take to the streets to promote causes of choice--everything from protecting this ball we call earth to bike/pedestrian safety...
Saturday, March 7, 2009 by RockstarMama
Oh for crap's sake. I've been suckered. As a chick, there is a never-ending, arduous battle to be smooth and hair-free in most places. American society has determined that the high-priority targets are: Legs Underarms Bikini line A number of options exist for your hair removal needs. Traditional choices include: Shave it Wax it Zap it Burn it off with chemicals Pluck it F*ck it These, of course, range from annoying (shaving) to soul-suckingly agonizing (waxing)...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009 by RockstarMama
--Breaking news 3/4/09-- Senator Edward Kennedy is being awarded an honorary knighthood from Britain. Is it just me, or was anybody else surprised to discover that peeps are still being knighted? It conjures up this medieval image including horses, suits of armor, a lavish feast including whole turkey legs (like at the county fair) and people wearing velvet...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009 by RockstarMama
10 THINGS THAT RHYME WITH PROCRASTINATION:
Bus station
Gyration
Lactation
Secret military operation
Constipation
Flatulation
Artificial insemination
Exfoliation
Ultraviolet radiation
National Aeronautics and Space Administration
Tags: 10 things, procrastination, rhyme, top 10
Posted in Random musings
Sunday, February 22, 2009 by RockstarMama
Oh hell yeah... it's Oscars night! The glitz, the glamour, the unaffordable couture, the stars, the gossip, the little gold man... what more can a girl ask for? Stay tuned for RockstarMamaOnline.com's live Oscars blog. ------------------------------------------------------------- WOOHOO!! It's 3PST...
Saturday, February 21, 2009 by RockstarMama
I don't get dudes. My wonderfully rugged and manly husband just appeared in the backyard with a wheelbarrow full of tools and a load mysteriously-sourced lumber--the kind that has a number for a name (two by something). I'm scared. Also, I was unaware that we owned a wheelbarrow. That's a fun surprise...
Friday, February 20, 2009 by RockstarMama
Oh man. I'm thinking I may have to draft an angry letter to the Orville Redenbacher peeps. That weird old guy in the suspenders may be gone (the one who looks like the landlord from Three's Company), but surely they have a PR department. The side of the Natural Buttery Salt & Cracked Pepper popcorn box clearly indicates that while popcorn is a lovely treat to share with your kiddos, you should be cautious so as not to let them choke on it...
